They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
