I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
