We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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