non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
