im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
