He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
