His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
