I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
