Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
