Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
