This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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