she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
