Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
