So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
