This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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