every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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