I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
