Your face is a jimmy john
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize