I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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