I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
