I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
