Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
