Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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