What did we do last night that was yellow?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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