her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
