The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
