Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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