Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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