it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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