so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
