Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
