Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
