After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
