She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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