he wants to bone in the snuggie
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
