I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
