I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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