Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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