i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
