There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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