I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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