U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
