Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
