So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
