Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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