My hand turned me down
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
