It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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