She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
