I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I bet he comes in French.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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