I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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