Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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