I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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