Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize