this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
