Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
