Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I party with great urgency now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
