Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
