im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
