I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
