dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
