So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You ruined the universe
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize