I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
