Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
