Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
