how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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