I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
