i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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