dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Vodka?
Forever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
