guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
the raccoons are back...
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