I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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