Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
