I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
