she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
