New low: just hacked my moms facebook
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
