Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
