I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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