I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
