Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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