NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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