before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
