He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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