I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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