You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
